The grim reality that our LGBTQ+ families need a guide to protect our rights in a Trump 2.0 world is real. Over the weekend, we were visiting with our newest Divaland member, a baby girl was born right before the election to two lesbian parents. Her miracle birth was a result of IVF. I realized that whatever protections we once thought we had because of a marriage status, acts as parents, etc. are soon to be eliminated. Not only is IVF in question, but so is care if you have a miscarriage, need to get hormone care for your trans kid, and there is very real potential that we’ll see marriage equality overturned. That’s why I decided to put together this Guide to Protecting LGBTQ Families In A Trump World.
The Deadline to Protecting Your LGBTQ+ Family in a Trump World
Our family is working with a deadline of January 20, 2025 to make sure we have everything in order. January 20th is the inauguration. There were several incredible things that Biden did to protect LGBTQ+ people through executive order. You know that those actions will be the first to be removed. For instance, fair housing protections will more than likely be removed.
Below is a very detailed guide on how to protect LGBTQ+ families in this Trump 2.0 world.
In this guide I will go into detail about what you should do right now versus what you should also consider doing if you have more money and time.
- What Should New LGBTQ+ Parents Do to Protect Their Parental Rights?
- How Can You Protect Your Same Sex / Queer Marriage?
- Guide on How to Protect Your Survivor Benefits If You Own a Home With Your LGBTQ+ Spouse
- Parents of Trans Kids Should Do These Things Now to Protect Their Child
- What Legal Documents Do We Need to Protect Ourselves As An LGBTQ+ Family?
- Other Resources to Protect Your LGBTQ+ Family in This Trump 2.0 World
Please note that I will be adding additional information to this guide as we talk to more experts. We will also be creating a list of LGBTQ+ resources.
The Guide to Protect Your LGBTQ+ Family in a Trump 2.0 World
Please note this is a fast and changing process. As we know more we will update this guide and send out additional communications. Let’s dive into what you should do now to project your LGBTQ+ family in a Trump 2.0 World.
What Should New LGBTQ+ Parents Do to Protect Their Parental Rights?
There is a mini-baby boom happening in Divaland. We know so many new Queer parents who are pregnant, just gave birth, have a one year old, and/or are in the middle of the adoption process.
For LGBTQ+ parents, protecting parental rights involves some unique considerations, especially as laws vary by state and may evolve over time. Here are some proactive steps that can help LGBTQ+ parents safeguard their rights:
Finalize Your Adoption or Second-Parent Adoption
Our Queer friends we met over the weekend have to do a second-parent adoption. Which is dumb. Straight parents NEVER have to do this BS to both be considered the parents. A second-parent adoption is especially helpful for the non-biological parent in states that do not automatically grant parental rights to LGBTQ+ partners. In addition, having these documents helps in some courts and states that do not recognize a birth certificate alone as proof of parental rights. Adoption allows an additional layer of protection.
Establish Legal Guardianship With Both Spouses/Couples Names On the Paperwork
Kim and I are guardians of our Trans nephew. It was extremely important that BOTH of our names were listed on the guardianship paperwork in case something happened to one of us. We also have a legal parenting plan with our kid’s biological parents that clearly states how we all show up for the kiddo. We do not talk about it that much but trust me when I say that dealing with people who are homophobic while you are raising a kid is awful. Hence the extra protections.
Need Additional Help with Your LGBTQ+ Family Navigating Adoption?
Please connect with Diva Dweller and a dear friend of ours Lara Hayden. She specializes in LGBTQ+ Family Building. Lara also does Adoption Home Study Reports which is a key part of your adoption process for the non-birth parent and/or for those of you who are adopting children. Contact Lara here >
How to Protect Your Same Sex / Queer Marriage?
Let’s be honest, we have all been lulled into a certain level of apathy when it comes to marriage. We think we are protected because the Supreme Court passed Marriage Equality. The one thing that we have learned is that no right is guaranteed. Take the following steps NOW to protect your same-sex / queer marriage:
Draft a Comprehensive Estate Plan
Creating an estate plan is key to ensuring that each partner’s wishes are respected if one spouse becomes incapacitated or passes away. A comprehensive estate plan includes a will, living trust, durable power of attorney, and healthcare directives. Estate planning also helps to secure shared assets and reduce the potential for disputes with other family members who might try to claim inheritance rights.
Please note: Make sure the LEGAL NAME of your spouse is listed and that the documents do not read “spouse.”
Sign a Durable Power of Attorney and Healthcare Proxy
A Durable Power of Attorney allows each spouse to manage financial and legal matters if the other becomes incapacitated. Similarly, a healthcare proxy grants each spouse the right to make medical decisions on the other’s behalf. One of the big things Kim and I learned during the HIV/AIDS epidemic is that partners were unable to support each other or make medical decisions for their long term partner. Instead, estranged family members suddenly stepped in and isolated the partner from supporting their loved one.
A Durable Power of Attorney and Healthcare Proxy ensure that each partner’s authority is recognized, even in jurisdictions where marriage rights could be contested or not fully acknowledged. For instance, in Washington state we codified Marriage Equality. But if Kim and I travel to Idaho, we are fucked if and when they repeal marriage equality.
Consider Joint Ownership of Property and Financial Accounts
When possible, jointly titling major assets such as a home or financial accounts can help protect each spouse’s access to them. This also makes it more straightforward for the surviving spouse to inherit these assets without legal hurdles.
Update Documents if You Move to a New State or Country
Legal rights and legal recognitions that apply in one state or country may not automatically apply in another. If you relocate, review and update your estate plan, marriage documents, and other legal protections to comply with local laws.
Please Note: It is incredibly important to use a LGBTQ+ lawyer in the state and/or community you live in. For those of us who live in Seattle we have access to the GSBA. This is an amazing organization of LGBTQ+ businesses. Check out their directory for resources >
Guide on How to Protect Your Survivor Benefits If You Own a Home With Your LGBTQ+ Spouse
Back in the olden days before Marriage Equality we had all of our LGBTQ+ clients buy property and take the title as “Tenants in Common With Rights of Survivorship.” This is an extra layer of protection that makes sure the surviving partner/spouse maintains full ownership of a home in case something happens to the other partner. Why is this so important? Once again we saw during the HIV/AIDS epidemic that a partner would pass away and suddenly their estranged family members would force the surviving spouse to sell the property. It was awful!
Please Note: Do you need help changing your title or want to check on the title of your property? Please contact us and we can get you connected to a title representative.
Parents of Trans Kids Should Do These Things Now to Protect Their Children
Over the summer, we saw first hand what happens to Trans kids when they leave the protections of Washington state. Our nephew ran out of his gender affirming drugs while away at a college prep program. We asked our local providers to send him his T. Someone along the way decided to not fill the order and ZERO. We had to beg a local pharmacy to accept an out of state prescription and pay out of pocket for the medication. It was really awful and once again cemented for us what life will look like for LGBTQ+ families in a Trump 2.0 world.
Here is the list of things we are doing in our own household to protect our Trans kid:
Make Sure You Live in a Community That Cares About Your Trans Kid:
We get a lot of calls from parents with Trans kids who want to know which communities are safe for their kids. Thankfully we live in a state and a city that has some of the best protections for the LGBTQ+ community. Check out our blog “A Few Of the Many LGBTQ+ Friendly Neighborhoods In Seattle”
Evaluate Where You Travel To These Days:
Our family will not be traveling, having a stop over flight, or going near a state that does not provide Trans gender care to minors.
Stock Up On Medications:
Have a back up plan if you cannot get your kids gender affirming drugs. This last summer taught us that we need a back up plan for the back up plan.
Change Legal Names and Gender ASAP:
Do what you can do NOW to change legal names and gender on birth certificates. This option might be eliminated in the near future.
Double Check All of Your Legal Documents and Personal Accounts:
Some of us have been a bit chill about our legal status and do not really know which names are on our passports, birth certificates, state identifications, and school identifications. Make sure your legal name is reflected on all of your legal documents and accounts.
Evaluate Colleges and Universities to Confirm There is Gender Care and Trans Legal Protections:
Our kiddo is applying to universities right now. We took this last weekend to double check to confirm that each of the schools he is applying to has gender care on campus and is in a state with legal protections.
Schedule Gender Affirming Surgery ASAP:
In the near future health insurance companies might not have to pay for gender affirming surgery. We are a family that has to think about this now to make sure our kiddo gets the care he needs to live his best life.
Get a Letter of Medical Necessity From Your Gender Care Providers:
Make sure you have a detailed letter clarifying the provider’s qualifications, the diagnosis, and care plan.
College Age Kids Need to Have A Durable Power of Attorney, Health Care Proxy, and a Medical Power of Attorney:
These legal documents can make sure that someone who is receiving gender affirming care has someone who legally advocates for that care in case they are incapacitated in some way. Trust me that I am old enough to see estranged and sometimes hateful family members take over someone’s care that is not an Ally. Next of kin is whoever is legally related to the person in care. This person might not be the best person to ensure someone gets the care they need.
Bonus Advice: Make sure you travel with ALL of your documentation. We always travel with our marriage certificate, our guardianship paperwork, and after this summer fiasco we will also be traveling with our kiddo’s medical care plan.
What Legal Documents Do We Need to Protect Ourselves As A LGBTQ+ Family?
LGBTQ+ families benefit from legal documents that protect their rights, provide clear directives, and ensure their intentions are upheld in case of unexpected circumstances. Here are the essential documents to consider:
Highest Priority
- Last Will and Testament
- Durable Power of Attorney
- Health Care Proxy / Medical Power of Attorney
- Advance Healthcare Directive / Living Will
- Adoption Papers or Parentage Orders
- Guardianship Documents for Children
Second Highest Priority
- Living Trust
- Parental Rights Agreement
- Co-Parenting Agreement (For Non-Romantic Co-Parents)
- Property Deeds or Title Documents
Please Note: As a real estate professional I have to remind you that I am not a lawyer. But if need a referral for a lawyer that actually gives a shit about your family, I got you!
Other Resources in our Guide to Protect Your LGBTQ+ Family in This Trump 2.0 World
Below I will be building out a list of other resources and providers who support our Divaland community. Check back frequently. Or give us a call directly if you need any support. We always know someone who knows someone who can help.
List of Resources to Protect LGBTQ+ Families During Trump 2.0
- Adoption Home Study Reports – Lara Hayden
- Family Building Support – Lara Hayden
- Estate Planning – Jenny Ling Law
- Shayna Israel – Radius Law Seattle
- Quita St. John – Estate Planning
- Cynthia Buhr – LGBTQ Parenting and Family Law
- GSBA – Buy and use services from LGBTQ+ businesses.
Let me know if you have a recommendation and I will gladly add them to this list.
Protect Your LGBTQ+ Family in a Trump 2.0 World
One of the things that I keep thinking about is that 20% of young people identify as LGBTQ+ and I know that not a single one of them is going back into the closet. Together we have to work at protecting our community and our young people. The biggest lesson coming out of this election is that apathy does kill hopes and dreams. Do not be apathetic about protecting our LGBTQ+ families in a Trump 2.0 world! Share this with someone who might need this information.
Hopefully, our Guide to Protecting LGBTQ Families In A Trump World helps your family stay as safe as possible. Here is an overview of what we shared:
- What Should New LGBTQ+ Parents Do to Protect Their Parental Rights?
- How to Protect Your Same Sex / Queer Marriage?
- Guide on How to Protect Your Survivor Benefits If You Own a Home With Your LGBTQ+ Spouse
- Parents of Trans Kids Should Do These Things Now to Protect Their Child
- What Legal Documents Do We Need to Protect Ourselves As A LGBTQ+ Family?
- Other Resources to Protect Your LGBTQ Family in This Trump 2.0 World
We are here to help. Feel free to contact us directly at thediva@teamedivarealestate.com or call/text 206-271-0264.
